Into the West
by rororogers
Summary: It's been years since Lou had gone to Virginia with Kid, now it was time for her to go back west. Can she truly put the past behind her and look to the future and just what does the future hold for her? Maybe someone from her past can help her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Oh Look I started another story ... I go two years without writing a damn thing and now all of a sudden I start writing three bloody stories at once. Ah well I'm sure y'all ain't going to complain right? Anyway let's see if I still got it when it comes to writing Buck/Lou.**

 **Prologue**

Buck Cross sat atop his horse as he stared towards the horizon, to the future, a future that he did not know what was in store for him. He looked behind him at the town of Rock Creek, his past, he knew was there. A family or the sad remains of one, his brother Ike long gone, Noah just recently joining him. Jimmy had run off with that horrible woman who was responsible in Buck's mind of Noah's death. Cody had left just last week to join the army to fight for the north in the war that was breaking out between the northern and southern states. Kid and Lou had married and where even now on their way to Virginia where Kid would abandon his wife so he could fight for the south, a land that would have kept Noah in chains. Buck did not understand how Kid could do that, Noah had been just as much a brother to Kid as to the rest of them. Jessie the little runt had left with his brother and it was good riddance, well maybe not but Buck was mad that he had left without even a goodbye. All that was left of their little family was Teaspoon and Rachel, he knew he could stay with them but what was the point? He'd never really belonged there and without the others it was even more plain that he didn't belong, but where was he to go? He turned back to the horizon, he couldn't go to the Kiowa, he knew Red Bear would kill him on sight as he once said he would have to do if they ever crossed paths again. No he couldn't return to the Kiowa, he belonged among them even less than he did among the citizens of Rock Creek, he didn't belong anywhere it seemed.

Buck made a clicking noise with his tongue and set his horse into a slow trot towards the horizon and to the future and whatever it held for him. Rock Creek, the past and family he once had there, grew small behind him but he didn't look back. No matter what the future held for him, he would look towards it and put the past and all the joy and pain it had held for him, behind him for good for there was no going back. There was no turning back the clock and bringing Noah and Ike back to life. There was no stopping Jimmy and Cody from leaving. There was no stopping the Kid from marrying Lou and taking her away from them, from him. Ah there was the biggest hurt of all, Buck realized. Though the others leaving and Noah and Ike dying, especially Ike dying had hurt Buck terribly and took a large part of his heart with him. It was the fact that the once woman that had been there for him and had cared about him since the day they had met was gone and he had never told her just what she had meant to him, just how much he had cared. He had never dared to utter the words of love that was in his heart because she had belonged to the Kid from the very beginning but oh he loved her and now he would never see her again and that was why he couldn't stay in Rock Creek. His loss of his dear brother Ike was bad enough, the loss of Noah added to that pain, but the loss of his heart, that was something he just couldn't get over. So Buck rode west towards the sun and the future.

Lou McCloud stared down at the crumpled newspaper in her hand, tears had long since run their course down her face, she had no more in her to shed for the man she had married, the man according to the list in the paper had been killed at the battle for Gettysburg. She was alone in a hostile land because she had followed him like a good wife ought to follow her husband. She had left behind the people that had been their family, she had left behind her own flesh and blood siblings in the mission, to follow him to this godforsaken land, just for him to leave her to go fight in a that bloody war for a cause that she didn't believe in. No matter what Kid had said, she could not see how the war was about anything other than the south's right to own slaves, how Kid could fight for a land that would have gladly kept Noah their brother and friend in chains and beat him with a whip like the one he carried, she did not know and could not understand. But she had married the Kid despite her misgivings about giving up her independence because she had loved him, and so she had followed him. But now what was she to do? She had no friends, no family in Virginia, she had no money to live off of let alone to leave the blasted place. She was trapped in a bleak and barren future with no hope of getting out. In that moment, she despised Kid for leaving her, but oh her heart broke for him. She had loved him, she truly had, but she really did not miss her husband because he had not been there, her husband had only been there for the length of time it had taken to get to Virginia and to find a place for her to live and then he had left her. So no she did not miss her husband because he had never really been there, but she did miss the boy, the Kid, that had rode with her in the Express. She missed the boy that she had loved, but she was done crying for him, she had cried enough tears to fill a small lake over the past few years. She was done trying to the perfect southern wife he had wanted her to be. She was done being Louise. She wanted to be Lou again, she wanted to just be another one of the boys living in the bunkhouse in Sweetwater with Emma caring for them all. Back when they were all young and alive and happy. But she knew that was impossible, there was no going back to those days.

There wasn't even the possibility of returning to Rock Creek as there was no one there anymore either. It wasn't even a month back that she had received word from Rachel saying that Teaspoon had died in his sleep and that she was moving west with her new husband. The rest of the boys had left long ago. Cody and Jimmy both were fighting for the North she knew and Buck, well nobody knew where Buck had gone after the express ended, he had just rode out one morning and never came back according to Teaspoon. She doubted he even knew about the old man dying. So there was no where for Lou to go, she was stuck and she hated it. Lou didn't know how but she vowed that one day, she would get out of there, she would go back west, maybe she'd go to Sam and Emma in Omaha. She knew Emma would take her in, she just wished that she could do it sooner rather than later. She knew she would do whatever it took to earn money to live on and she would save as much as she could until the day she had enough to leave this godforsaken land. She just prayed that when that day came there would be enough of her left to still be Lou and not just a sad shell of the girl she used to be.

 **Chapter 1**

 _15 years later_

 _St. Louis_

Lou McCloud stepped off the train and breathed deeply. She had missed the Midwest more than she could explain. It had taken a lot longer than she had hoped to save the money to come west, to come home and she had done some things she was ashamed of to get the money. Emma would be ashamed of her, Kid would never forgive her for what she had done if he was still alive. She was pretty sure none of the boys would understand why she had done it, especially knowing her history with Wicks. How could she ever work in a brothel? But she had, oh she wasn't one of the entertainers, not at first. She had signed on as washer woman and cook for the girls but the pay was pitiful. So after much debating and arguing with herself, she took a position as one of the working women, with the promise that she had complete control as to which customers she would entertain and how she would entertain them. Some of the other girls would allow the men to get rough, to dominate them, to tie them up and other horrible things in Lou's opinion. Lou never took those men, in fact Lou would only take the ones that the other girls would turn their noses up at. Ones that reminded Lou of Ike, with their gentleness, their shyness, ones like Noah or Buck who's skin color or breeding put them as outcast never fitting in anywhere. Those men never mistreated Lou, and some of them never wanted anything more than a woman to spend a bit of time with them, to just talk to them. Those were the ones that made Lou miss her brothers more than anything because with some it was almost as if Buck, Noah, or Ike were there with her again. But that was over now, she was free, she was back in the west where she belonged, now it was just about getting to Emma.

Sweet Emma, who was the mother to them all, the mother who they all needed, was in Omaha eagerly waiting for Lou. She knew that if she had asked Emma, she would have had Sam come get her years ago, but this was something that Lou had to do for herself, despite how she had to do it. Lou was a fallen woman now, but it didn't matter, she never intended to marry ever again. She couldn't image any man who could possible change her mind.

Lou made her way from the train station towards a hotel to get some food and a room, and hopefully a bath. She would continue on towards Omaha in the morning. She passed the first hotel she saw because she knew it would be more expensive with it's proximity to the station, and with only having a limited supply of funds to complete her journey and have some left to start her new life, she needed to be economical in her lodgings. Lou walked several blocks away from the major traffic area and finally came across a small hotel, the outside was very shabby looking with paint flaking in large chunks and dirty windows, definitely not the kind of establishment a respectable lady would stay in, but Lou didn't think she qualified for one of those anymore if she ever did. So she went inside and asked for a room from the mousy blond girl behind the counter. The room was cheap but it was clean if a little dinghy looking and the food in the dinning room was decent. It wasn't the greatest place to stay but Lou had stayed in worse. After having a bath brought up and filed with lukewarm water, Lou sat in the tub and washed the days of travel away. She washed away all the pain and shame of her past. She washed away the tears she had once shed so long ago. She washed away any remnants of Louise McCloud, the young wife of Kid. There was nothing left of that young girl anymore, all that remained was Lou. Lou had been strong, Lou had been brave, Lou had done what she needed to do to survive and she had come out of it with herself intact and not just an empty shell as she once feared might happen. It was time for Lou McCloud to be reborn.

Lou stepped out of the cool water and wrapped a towel around her small body, she had never been busty woman and that had never changed. It used to bother her that she wasn't very well endowed in womanly curves but now her slight and smaller frame would be to her benefit. It had been easy enough when she was younger to pass for a young boy, her face was softer now than it had been then but she thought she could still pull it off. She sat in front of the cracked and dirty mirror in her room and took out the knife that Buck had given her years ago that she always carried on her. Lou grabbed her long hair and pulled it in front of her shoulder and took a deep breath as she used the knife and cut it off as short as she could. It was messy looking and choppy but with a hat and a fake pair of glasses again she could pass for a guy, hopefully. Lou went to her bag and pulled out the old pair of pants, shirt, and worn jacket that had seen better days, they would still be baggy on her which would help hide few curves she did have. But she would still need to bind her chest, so she took the case of her pillow and with the knife sliced it into long strips that she used to wrap around her chest to flatten her chest as much as possible. Then she dressed. The disguise wasn't perfect, she was sure that if anybody looked hard enough they would know she wasn't a man but it should do well enough to protect her as she traveled the rest of the way. Lou gathered up her things and left the hotel, it was time to get back to living her life.

Buck Cross stood at the door to his small cabin looking at the three warriors on horseback headed his way. He knew who they were, they had come to trade but he didn't have anything to trade today and if the two women being lead on ropes behind them were any indication of what they wanted to trade, he didn't have any desire to do any business with them today. He had no interest and buying a woman, even if he wanted to have a woman in his life, which he didn't, he would not buy one, that went against everything he thought right. True he didn't like leaving those woman in the braves possession, but all he had was a few horses and he needed them for his business. There wasn't anything he could do for them. Buck sent the braves on their way and went back into his home.

He looked around the small room he had called his home for the past five years. It wasn't much but it was his and the twenty acres of land it sat on. It had taken him ten years working odd jobs on ranches and a few scouting jobs for the army to save the money to buy the land outright and the few horses he planned to breed to start the horse ranch that him and Ike had always talked about having. He was on his way of fulfilling his dreams but he was lonely. He had nobody, no friends, no family. He was all alone in the middle of nowhere, the closest town was over half a day ride away, but it was for the best. He didn't fit in anywhere, so he might as well be alone. He often thought about the family he once had and wondered if he should write Emma to let her know where he was at and was alive. But he didn't because she would want him to come for a visit at least and Buck had been on his own for too long, he didn't know if he could deal with having a family again only to return to his home and be alone all over again.

Buck knew he needed a wife but there was only one woman he had ever thought would make him a good wife and she had been married for the past eighteen years. And besides even if there was another woman he might want to marry who would have him. A half breed whose lived on his own so long that he was looking more like a wild mountain man, well plains man since no mountain was nearby. His dark hair fell almost to his waist, he couldn't remember the last time he cut it, his clothing was worn buckskins, his medicine pouch and earring the only thing that would set him apart from any other 'mountain' man. Yeah there wasn't a single woman in the area who would look at him a second time in anything other than horror. Maybe he should think about trading for a woman, no he couldn't do that. He was just destined to be alone for the rest of his life because unless Lou McCloud just shows up out of the blue and not married, which that wasn't going to happen, there was no woman he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Lou had been traveling for just over a week alone on a horseback across the open plains. It may not have been the smartest of moves all things considered. The cramps that suddenly hit her had her doubling over in the saddle from the pain. This pain was worse than any of her monthly cramps had ever been. Lou cried out in pain as another cramp hit her, something was wrong it wasn't time for her monthly but then she had never been real regular and she couldn't remember when the last one was, but this, this was different.

Lou urged her horse towards the tree she could see in the distant beside a small creek, she made it there just as another cramp hit her with such intensity that she fell from the saddle and landed hard on the ground gasping. Lou dragged herself to the tree, blood traveling down her leg and she knew what was happening. She was miscarrying a baby she didn't even know she had been pregnant with when she left the brothel. She was bleeding bad and she was alone. She knew she was going to die. Lou wailed out in pained before slipping into darkness.

Lou was vaguely aware of muffled voices around her but she couldn't understand what was being said. There was strange smell in the air that was somewhat familiar but she couldn't place it. It was hot wherever she was and she could feel the blankets ... no not blankets, furs covering her. The voices were becoming clearer but she didn't understand the words spoken. She cracked an eye open just making out the animal skin walls, she opened her eyes all the way to see two women and one man talking in hushed voices near her, Indians, she just didn't know which tribe. She groaned as she shifted and their eyes locked onto her.

The man, who was clearly the medicine man, spoke to her but Lou didn't understand the language.

"I don't understand," Lou spoke and signed using the signs Buck had taught her long ago to be able to speak to Ike.

The Indians were clearly surprised she knew the signs. "You lost the child." the medicine signed.

"I know. How long have I been here? Where am I?" She signed and asked.

"You have been here three days in our village." one of the woman spoke in surprisingly good English.

"You speak English! Where am I exactly, what tribe is this?" Lou asked.

"You do not need to know where you are but we are Lakota." the same woman spoke.

"When will I be able to leave?" Lou asked.

"You won't." the woman said before leaving with the others.

Lou broke down and cried when she was left alone. She knew that she would never see Emma and Sam now. She'd never get to leave this village, and if she did it would be in trade to another village. She knew that much. She would be someone's property for the rest of her life. She cried for the new start she would never get. She cried for the family she would never see again. She cried for the babe she didn't even know she had been carrying. And finally she cried for herself.

Three days later Lou was moved out of the medicine tent and into a tent with an elderly woman who was to teach her the language and the way of life. She would then be given to one of the men in the village if they wanted her and if not she would be sold or traded to another tribe or some of the few others that traded with the tribe. Lou hoped that if she didn't learn the ways of the tribe that the men wouldn't want her, but then that could backfire too. She could be given to a worse group. So far she had been treated decently enough but she didn't want to be owned by anybody. In the end Lou thought it would be in her best interest to do everything she was told and learn as best as she could and just hope for the best. And for the next two years Lou did just that.

For two years Lou had worked to learn the ways of the Lakota and their language. During that time she had been treated with respect and had formed bonds of friendship with the women of the village but none of the men. In fact none of the men in the village even paid her any attention at all and with the time coming up for her to be given to one of them she asked one of the women that had become her friend.

"Little Feather," Lou said softly to the first friend she had made in the village.

"Yes Weeping Doe?" Little Feather asked Lou.

"My time for learning is almost up, yet none of the men in the village have shown any interest in me." Lou stated quietly, almost embarrassed to acknowledge such a thing.

"I have noticed and am not surprised." Little Feather responded.

"Why? Am I not pretty enough? What will happen if none in the village want me?" Lou asked quickly.

"Weeping Doe, you are very pretty. Many of the men have said as much. But they all know that your womb rejected a baby. They do not want a woman who might not give them sons. As to what will happen, you will most likely be traded to another tribe." Little Feather explained.

"I see ...I ... excuse me." Lou said before rushing away.

Little Feather watched her friend go. She knew that Weeping Doe really didn't want to be given to one of the men in the village but the thought of what could happen to her in another tribe scared her. She knew that she would be treated well here, she did not have that guarantee in one of the other villages. Little Feather thought on it a little before she went to speak with the chief, her husband.

"Wife. What brings you to my side with such a long face?" Silver Fox asked his wife.

"It is Weeping Doe. She worries about what will happen to her now that her time of learning is almost over. She knows the men of the village do not want her." Little Feather said to her husband.

"I know. I have thought much on what to do with your friend. I will not force her onto one of the men knowing she might not give them sons. But she can not stay in the village." Silver Fox said to his wife.

"I have thought about it. Perhaps instead of trading her to another tribe, might one of the whites take her, perhaps the one caught between two worlds." Little Feather suggested.

"Perhaps ... but he has never shown interest in trading for women." Silver Fox stated, "But I will at least try."

"Thank you my husband." Little Feather said giving his cheek a kiss before leaving to attend to her work.

Silver Fox watched his wife walk away with a smile. He looked over to where he had seen Weeping Doe run earlier. Most of the women in the village ignored the horses but not her, she spent most evenings there. He learned that watching the horses comforted her. He rose to his feet and walked to where she stood watching them now, tears running down her face from her large doe like eyes.

Lou looked up at the chief when he stopped next to her. "You're sending me away."

"Yes. I am sorry. I shall trade you with one of the whites if they will take you." Silver Fox stated, a hand on her shoulder before walking away.

Lou didn't know what was worse, what could happen in another village or what one of those burly wild white men that traded with the Lakota could do to her. She would have no chance of escaping another tribe but her chances of escaping one of the white men was slim. The few that traded with the tribe seemed to real reclusive and judging by the state of their dress they where more or less wild. Lou felt the tears fall freshly down her face, it seemed all she did since coming to the Lakota was cry thus truly earning her name. Lou knew she would just have to be brave, she would survive this somehow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Buck rode into the Lakota village with four of his older mares trailing behind him. He had not been there in a couple of years, normally he just traded with the warriors that came to his cabin but he was there to trade some of his older mares for younger breeding stock and he needed to be able to look at all his options, so he had come there. He wasn't the only one there to trade that day, he saw Ian McGregor looking at a group of women. It disgusted Buck, he knew for a fact that Ian had three squaws at his place already, and that Ian treated them like dirt. Buck shook his head and went to look for Silver Fox.

"Running Buck. It has been many seasons since you came here." Silver Fox said when he spotted Buck.

"Yes. I came to trade horses." Buck stated.

"You sure you do not want a wife? I have a few women I am willing to trade." Silver Fox said.

"No. You know I don't trade for women." Buck answered as he looked over at the group of women that Silver Fox had pointed to. He was about to turn back to him when one of the women caught his eye. His feet began walking towards the women on their own, he knew her, he was sure of it. She was older and her hair had a few strands of grey peeking thru but it had to be her.

"I thought you weren't interested in the women." Silver Fox teased as Buck moved steadily closer to the group.

"That one, who is she?" Buck asked pointing to the woman he knew he knew.

"She is called Weeping Doe, she came to us two summers ago." Silver Fox said, looking at Buck and the strange expression on his face.

"What is her white name do you know?" Buck asked.

"I don't remember. Do you know her?" Silver Fox asked.

"I think so. I think she is someone I used to know very well." Buck said before he closed the distance to the group of women.

Once he was right in front of her, he knew it was her. He knew it was Lou. "If you want her I will take one pony for her." Silver Fox said to Buck.

"Only one, why so little?" Ian McGregor asked the chief, he had been eyeing the woman they were speaking of. The woman in question had yet to look up at any of them, she felt like she was being auctioned off like a cow.

"She lost a child when she came to us. She may not be able to produce sons and she is more advanced in years than the others." Silver Fox stated.

Ian scratched his chin, "Well now don't reckon that matter none to me. I got plenty of other squaws for that, but she looks like she do well in the bed. I'll give you a pony for her."

Buck couldn't believe his ears. Here was the woman he loved standing right before him and all they wanted was one horse? Didn't they know she was worth at least ten if not more? But when he heard Ian offer a pony for her he saw red, there was no way in Hell he'd let him have Lou. "Two." Buck stated.

Silver Fox was surprised by Buck's offer but Ian who hated Cross wasn't going to let him have the wench. "Three".

Buck looked at Lou who still was looking down at the ground, he only had four of his old mares with him and he had intended on traded them for fresh breeding stock, he needed the new stock but he wanted Lou more and he couldn't let Ian have her. "Four."

"Ain't no woman worth that." Ian said.

"Four and she's yours." Silver Fox stated still incredibly surprised by this turn of events.

Buck went and got his mares and brought them over to Silver Fox who looked them over. He held out his hand to Buck clasping his arm in a deal. "She is yours."

Buck walked over to Lou and gently touched her shoulder causing her to flinch. "I'm not going to hurt you Lou."

Lou's eyes shot up at the sound of her name and met the warm chocolate colored eyes of the man in front of her, she knew that voice, she knew those eyes, but it couldn't be, could it? "Buck?"

A grin split Buck's face at his name on her lips, "Yeah it's me. Come on we need to go."

Buck led Lou to his horse, an arm around her shoulder. "I don't understand." Lou said after he had helped her onto the horse and climb up behind her.

"What don't you understand?" He asked as they rode out of the village.

"What you were doing here? Did you buy me?" Lou asked.

"Yes I did...not my reasons for coming though. I came to trade horses but then I saw you. I couldn't leave you there." Buck said.

"Can I leave or do I have to stay with you?" Lou asked quietly.

A muscle in Buck's jaw twitched as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He wanted her to stay. He didn't want her to ever leave but he couldn't keep her there if she didn't want to be there. "You can stay or leave, the choice is yours. I hope you want to stay though. I can help you find Kid if you want."

"Kid's dead. He died in the war." Lou stated.

"How long were you with the Lakota Lou? Silver Fox said you lost a baby when you first came to be with them." Buck asked.

"Two years. And before you ask, no I do not need help to find my husband. I don't have one. You should know that the father was one of my customers at the brothel I was working in." Lou said, she refused to feel ashamed.

Buck closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He knew Lou had to have been desperate to have worked in a brothel. What had she gone through? "I'm sorry Lou. I ..."

"I understand if you want me to go Buck. I'll pay you back for the horses somehow." Lou spoke quietly.

"No, I want you to stay. Please." Buck said so low it was practically a whisper.

Lou was just about to speak when a thought came to her. Buck had bought her, he bought her with four horses. Horses he had intended on traded for other horses. He hadn't gone there in search of a woman. Did he already have one back as his home? "What will your wife think when you show up with me?"

"I never married Lou. I live on my own. Closet town is about half a day ride from my place." Buck stated just as his cabin came into view. "We are here."

Lou looked at the cabin in front of her. It was small, smaller than the bunkhouse they shared in the express but it was well kept. The surrounding land had several horses grazing and a corral was near the cabin. A larger building, probably the barn, sat just behind the corral. "Nice spread."

"Thank you. It's taking me a while to get it going by myself but it's all mine." Buck said as he helped Lou down from the horse. "I don't have much but if you want to stay it's yours. I can take you into town tomorrow to either get you whatever you need or to catch a stage headed elsewhere."

Lou walked into the small one room cabin and looked around. There was a little table under the window, a stove pushed into the corner, and a bed taking up the other end of the cabin. It was barely big enough for one person let alone two but living with the Lakota she had learn to live in even tighter quarters. And she knew Buck would never hurt her, besides where else did she have to go. True she had been headed to Emma's two years ago but she had no way of knowing if Emma was still there or if she was even alive for that matter. "I'd like to stay...I have no where else to go."

"You could always go to Rock Creek to Teaspoon and Rachel." Buck said.

"You don't know? Teaspoon died years ago and Rachel left with her new husband. I was headed to Sam and Emma when I had the miscarriage and the Lakota found me. I don't know if they are still there though." Lou stated turning to look at Buck.

Buck hung his head ashamed. "After I left, I never tried to contact any of them again. I didn't know. I don't know where Emma is, I just assumed they were still in Omaha. We can try to find out if you want."

"I would like to let them know I'm still alive at least. I know she probably worried when I never showed." Lou answered.

"If we find them, I'll take you to them."

"She'd be ashamed of me if she knew what I'd done. She won't want me to come there. I was a whore Buck, I'm dirty used up goods. But if you'll let me stay, I'll help you with your ranch, I can cook and clean for you. I'll keep your bed warm too if you want that." Lou said looking up at Buck.

"Lou ... Emma loves you. She wouldn't care about what you did to survive. You're not dirty or used goods. And I want you to stay. I don't care if you can cook or clean and I'm not going to use you like that." Buck stated calmly, his hands on her shoulders looking her in the eye.

"I didn't figure you'd want to bed me, knowing what I am. Knowing I probably can't give you sons." Lou whispered her eyes dropping to the floor.

"Lou I don't care about any of that. I don't care how you earned a living, I don't care that you may not be able to have children. What I do care about is you. You are more than just someone to warm my bed and use when I have an itch. I'm not going to bed you because I ...I" Buck stopped unsure of how to put what he was thinking.

"Because you what Buck?" Lou asked tears in her eyes because the first time in a long time someone was looking at her as more than property, as more than a piece of flesh. She was being looked at like she really mattered, that she was important, that she was cared for.

"Because ... damn it Lou. Why can't I ever say what it is I want?" Buck muttered more to himself than to her. "Lou you ...I ... You are the only woman I have ever...the only one I ever loved. And I never told you."

"You loved me? I never ...I never knew." Lou cried, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I still do. I never stopped. That's why I won't bed you...not until you feel the same for me." Buck whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and walking out the door, leaving Lou standing there with her mouth hanging open.

After all this time, he still loved her? He loves her? Lou couldn't believe it. She had felt so unworthy of being loved in so long that the knowledge that there was someone who never stopped caring about her caused her to cry and for a small part of her heart that had long ago died to begin beating once more.

After leaving Lou with her mouth hanging open at his confession, Buck retreated to his barn. He needed to check on his animals but he also wanted to give Lou some space for her to think about all that had happened to her, about what he had just told her. After putting his horse into his stall and brushing him down, he checked on the other animals in the barn. As he was walking out he caught sight of himself in the little mirror he kept hanging just on the inside of the barn door. He looked terrible. His face was covered in scruff, he hadn't shaved in months but Buck never could grow a bread, he just looked scruffy. His hair needed a good wash too and sniffing at himself he realized he could use a bath. Living on his own he sometimes forgot to bathe more than a couple times a week. He'd just get so busy taking care of the horses on his own that most nights he fell into his bed fully clothed because he was just so exhausted. He looked down at the buckskins he was wearing and realized they were filthy. He dragged a hand down his face, yeah great start telling Lou you love her while looking like this, he thought to himself.

Buck grabbed a towel and bar of soap off the barrel under the mirror and headed to the creek behind his house to get cleaned up. He stripped out of his dirty clothes and waded out into the creek where he washed up. Once he had cleaned his body he grabbed his clothes off the bank and washed them in the water. He stepped out of the creek and laid his clothes out to dry in the sun on the rocks before he wrapped the towel about his waist and walked back to the barn. Standing before the mirror in just his towel, he quickly shaved off the facial hair growth and brushed his hair out. And then he realized Lou was still the cabin and he didn't have a change of clothes. Buck swore under his breath, why hadn't he thought to go back in and get a change of clothes first.

But there wasn't much else he could do, so he walked from the barn back to his cabin, with nothing more than a towel covering himself. Lou who had been looking through Buck's pantry supplies for something to start cooking looked up when he entered, her eyes going huge at the sight before her. "I uh I forgot to grab a change of clothes." Buck said embarrassed when he spotted her.

"It's alright ... you uh you've lived alone for so long, its normal to forget." Lou stated still not looking away from him, watching a bead of water roll down his chest. She swallowed hard wetting her lips. "I uh was just going to cook us something to eat."

Buck moved to his trunk for a change of clothes. "Let me get dressed and I'll show you were everything is."

"Ok." Lou said her eyes never leaving Buck's body even as he pulled his pants up under the towel before taking it off.

Buck went over to Lou still buttoning the shirt up. He stopped right in front of her. "There do I look like myself again?"

Lou looked him up and down, "Yes and no. Your hair is much longer now and you've more bulk than you used to have."

"Are you calling me fat?" Buck teased.

'NO! I mean you got more meat on ya, no you have got more muscles than you used to." Lou stated a little embarrassed. "Ya look real good Buck."

Buck gave her that crooked little grin that she remembered well. "And you look just a beautiful as I remember, a little older but still beautiful."

Lou felt her face flush, it had been so long since someone had given her a compliment that sincere. "Let me give ya a tour of the place." Buck said taking her hand.

He led her around the back of his home and showed her the cellar that was full of fresh fruits and veggies and smoked meat, plus a bunch of canned goods. Then he took her into the barn where his horse was stabled along with a cow and a few chickens. He showed her were he kept the feed and the milk bucket. Then he led her out to his horses and pointed out a couple of mares that he would be bringing into the barn soon because they were nearing their time to birth. He also pointed out the creek that he used for water and to bath in, which he didn't need to point out as she could see it was the only source of water on the property and his clothes were plainly visible drying in the sun. And lastly he showed her the small garden patch where he grew most of his own vegetables. After the quick tour he took her back to the house and together they put a small meal together.

"I want you to make a list of any supplies you need or want. Tomorrow we can go to town to get them. And we can send a telegram to Omaha to find out if Sam and Emma are still there. We'll need to pack some food, it's about half a day ride into town. It will be dark by the time we get back." Buck said after they ate.

"I don't need much. Just some fabric to make a couple of dresses, since this one is all I got. Plus you're out of flour." Lou stated.

"You sure you don't need anything else? Maybe some new boots or fabric to make curtains or something?" Buck asked.

Lou looked around the room, "Well now that you mentioned it, this place could use a woman's touch." Lou teased.

"Good, I ain't got a lot of cash money but the store owner actually gave me a line of credit at his store, so whatever you need we can get." Buck said before standing up stretching. "Well we got an early day tomorrow so I best go take care of the animals for the night and then we should go to bed."

Lou stood up and began cleaning up the dishes, Buck had brought in a dish pan of water while she was cooking. After drying and putting away the few dishes they had used Lou moved to the bed, Buck still had not come back inside, she didn't know what was keeping him but she was kinda glad he wasn't back yet. Lou didn't have a nightshirt. But she had grown used to sleeping in the nude with the Lakota, so she sat on the edge of the bed and removed her moccasins before standing and undoing the ties of her dress letting it fall to the ground. She bent and picked it up, laying it over the top of Buck's trunk before climbing into the bed and under the covers placing herself against the wall. When Buck returned a few minutes later, he blew out the lantern on the table and moved to the bed where he sat in the darkness and took off his boots and shirt. He decided to leave his pants on since he wasn't wearing any long johns. Buck crawled under the covers and rolled onto his back.

"Goodnight Lou ... I'm really glad you are here." He whispered into the dark.

"I'm glad I'm here too...Night Buck." Lou whispered back before closing her eyes feeling perfectly safe for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _Buck stood in the hayloft door looking out over the station, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shinning brightly and there wasn't a cloud in the sky and for once it wasn't so dang hot. He looked down at the people who had become his family, people who had accepted him for himself, who didn't judge him based on his skin color and heritage. Ike was sitting on the bunkhouse porch petting Sampson while feeding him a carrot. Sam and Emma were sitting on her porch swing drinking lemonade while they watched Cody and Jimmy target practice. Teaspoon was sitting on the steps picking at his toes which made Buck shudder. He knew Kid was out on a run but one member of his family was missing. Where was Lou? He scanned the yard again thinking he might have overlooked the small rider but he still didn't see her._

 _"Whatcha' hiding in here for Buck?" Her quiet voiced asked from behind him._

 _Buck turned to look at the female who had just appeared at the top of the ladder, he was surprised that she had managed to sneak up on him. "Just enjoying the view." He said as he waved his hand towards the open prairie._

 _Lou moved closer so she could lean against the wall and look out. "It is beautiful out here."_

 _"Yes, very." Buck said only he wasn't look at the scenery._

 _"Buck? Do ya ever think bout just ridin' away cross the plains and not comin' back. Just leavin' it all behind." Lou asked quietly._

 _"Sometimes, like when I'm treated like trash just cause my Kiowa blood." Buck answered looking at the young girl._

 _"What stops you?" Lou asked looking back at him._

 _"You and Ike, the boys. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I belong somewhere. If it weren't for y'all, if something happened to Ike ... I dunno what I'd do. Why do you ask? Did something happen?" Buck asked concern evident in his tone and eyes._

 _"No ... well, it's ... promise ya won't say nuttin' but sometimes I just feel trapped here." Lou explained._

 _"What do ya mean Lou?" He asked confused._

 _"It's this life. I love it but I miss being looked at like a girl. And sometimes I feel like I ain't got no options, that I'm settling for Kid cause he knew my secret first. But then when I think about what I'd have to do if it was known I was girl ... I don't want to earn my living on my back. I got my kid brother and sister depending on me. It ...I dunno it gets to be too much sometimes." Lou tried to explain._

 _"Lou ya got options. You could have any guy you wanted, any of us. I know we ain't great catches but don't feel like you gotta settle for Kid if he ain't what ya really want. As for your brother and sister, all you have to do is ask and me and the boys would help you." Buck said._

 _Lou smiled at Buck for his words, "Thank ya Buck but this is something I need to do for myself. I really don't mind and I love the Kid, I just wish I could work here and not have to hide who I am."_

 _"It won't always be this way. I gotta a feelin' that Emma knows, Sam too, and I just bet that Teaspoon if he knew would keep ya on." Buck stated with a smirk._

 _"Well I can just hope you're right. I best be getting to my chores." Lou said before moving to the ladder._

 _Buck watched the young girl go, his heart feeling heavy. She really had no clue how much him and the boys cared for her. He wished that she wasn't so dang headstrong sometimes, well no he really didn't, he loved her just like she was, he just wished that she would let people help her. He wished that she could see that he loved her, that she would pick him. He knew that wasn't going to happen though._

Buck woke from his dream, his memories, with a start. Something was off, it took him a minute to realize what had woken him. A small warm body was pressed close to his side, bare flesh against bare flesh. He looked down at the head resting on his shoulder, his arm going around the small body, his hand grazing the skin of her side. She was naked, he realized with a jolt of longing. Buck could feel himself getting hard, he longed to be with Lou, but he refused. He was not going to bed her until he had won her heart. But Buck was just a man, and having the woman he loved naked in his bed was way too tempting so he slipped out of it. It was still too early to be up so he stretched out on the floor beside his bed and tried to go back to sleep. Morning would not get here soon enough.

When Lou awoke the next morning it was to an empty bed, the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon. She looked around the small cabin and did not see Buck anywhere, so she assumed he must have went to take care of the animals. Without looking, Lou swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up only to fall right on top of Buck who had finally fell asleep on the floor. He was wide awake now with Lou sprawled on top of him, her chest pressing against his.

"Buck!" she squeaked, "What are you doing on the floor?"

He couldn't answer her, he could only stare down at her body on top of his. "Buck?"

"I uh you umm can you get dressed please." Buck managed to say, his voice strained sounding.

Lou sat up, her legs on either side of Buck. That did not help Buck any, she was now sitting directly on top of his growing desire. "Lou please." Buck begged.

Lou knew she should be ashamed and embarrassed but after all she had done, what was the point of getting embarrassed anymore. Lou smirked at him saucily, "What's the matter Buck?"

"Lou, I'm really trying here. please." Buck begged his eyes closed.

She could see the struggle he was really having to control himself and decided to take pity on him. Lou got to her feet and grabbed her dress, quickly putting it on. "There I'm decent again. Now ya wanna tell me why you were on the floor."

Buck sat up and got to his feet now that Lou was dressed. "I woke up last night with you in my arms, thought I was still dreaming but then I realized you didn't have any clothes on...I'm only a guy, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist if I stayed there much longer. So I decided on the floor."

Lou bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Sorry, I only got the one dress and I'm used to sleeping in nothing but skin."

"Yes well we'll get ya some underthings in town today. I best get started on the animals. Would you make some breakfast and pack us a lunch please." Buck stated before walking out of the door without waiting on an answer from Lou.

Lou watched him go with a curious look on her face. She knew Buck wanted her, she knew he was physically attracted to her, he had said he loves her, yet it seemed to make him really uncomfortable to physically respond to her. Why didn't he want to use her, to bed her? She knew that he said he wouldn't until she felt the same for him, but in her experience with men that was usually just a load of horse shit. Even Kid had pushed their relationship to the next step before she was completely ready to take that step, but she did because that's what Kid wanted. But Buck, he could do whatever he wanted to her, he owned her basically, but he swore he wouldn't touch her until she loved him back. He had said she could leave if that was what she wanted, she's the one who had asked to stay. This was such a new experience for her, she was free, she could do as she pleased, there was no one counting on her, there was no need to earn a living, she could come and go as she pleased. But for once in her life she didn't feel like running away, she felt safe and content here, she felt like she could truly be herself. Lou looked forward to learning just who she was now after everything.

After a quick breakfast, Buck and Lou rode in his buckboard towards town. It was a long quiet drive, but neither seemed to mind the silence. It was comfortable. They arrived into town around midday, having eaten their sandwiches on the road. Buck parked the buckboard in front of the general store. He jumped down and reached up to assist Lou, he could feel eyes on them both and he knew it was the state of Lou's dress that was drawing attention, they were used to him by now, then again it could just be the fact he had a woman with him that was getting attention. Buck led Lou into the store and after making introductions to the owner with instructions to put whatever she needed on his account, he left Lou to go send a telegram to Omaha.

Walking into the telegram office, he stopped. He had no idea what he would say, he hadn't tried to contact anybody since the day he left Rock Creek. He hadn't known about Teaspoon dying, about Kid dying, about Rachel leaving, he had no way of knowing if Sam and Emma were even still there but for Lou he had to tried.

"Can I help ya Mr. Cross?" The little man behind the counter asked.

"I need to send a telegram to the territorial marshals office in Omaha, to Marshal Sam Cain." Buck stated.

"Alright, whatcha wanting to say?" the man asked.

"Hmm I guess just put...Found Lou Alive. Buck." Buck said scratching the side of his face.

"That it Mr. Cross?" Pete the telegram officer asked.

"I reckon ya oughta put where we are at." Buck added after a few minutes of thought.

"Very good sir. Thata be twenty-five cents." Pete said.

"Here ya go. If it gets a response can ya have someone bring it out to my place?" Buck asked as he handed over the coin.

"Well I reckon I can find someone to take it out that far for the right bit of coin." Pete said.

"I'll pay whoever brings it out. Thanks Pete." Buck stated as he walked out of the office and went back to the general store.

Once he entered he spotted Lou looking over the bolts of fabric still, he went over to her. "You finding what ya need?"

"I'm just trying to decide on which color to get. I've got my undergarments and the flour we needed and got some muslin to make curtains and new bed linens, yours are getting worn. I even picked out some purple to make ya a couple of new shirts. I just can't decide on which color for myself." Lou explained.

"Well, I always thought that ya looked really pretty in that pink dress ya had, but the blue one ya wore to the dance was real pretty too. How bout you get some of each." Buck suggested.

"Ya sure Buck? I don't wanna get too much, run your credit up." Lou said quietly.

"Let me worry bout that Lou. You just get what ya want ok?" Buck stated. He'd sale some of his breeding stock if he needed to, but he knew it wouldn't come to that. He'd be taken his stock to the auction in a month and they were bound to bring in a good amount.

"Alright. I guess I'll get some of both then." Lou agreed with a grin.

After signing for his purchases, they loaded up the buckboard and headed back home. He'd need to see to his animals as soon as they got back. He just hoped it wouldn't be too late. It had taken more time in town than he had thought it would. "I'll help ya with the animals when we get home Buck." Lou said suddenly as if she guessed what he had been thinking.

"You don't have ta do that." Buck answered.

"I wanna. I can help." Lou stated.

"Alright. It will go quicker thataway." Buck agreed.

They arrived home just as the sun was going down. With the two of them working it didn't take long to get the animals fed and the cow milked, and the horses and buckboard put away. Buck and Lou carried their purchases into the house and Lou made a light supper before they turned in for the night. The next day Lou planned on getting started making her new dresses.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sam Cain sat behind his desk with his feet propped up and his hat hanging low over his eyes. To anybody looking, it would appear he was fast asleep but those that knew him, knew he wasn't, he was just resting his eyes as he would say, the snore escaping his mouth was all an act, he'd never sleep on the job. At least that is what Sam would say, Emma however knew better as she stood in the doorway of his office trying to hold in her giggle. "Oh Sam" she called to him, the laughter evident in her voice.

"Huh what?" Sam grunted before he jerked to attention to take in his visitor.

Sam looked up at his wife, she got pretty every time he looked at her. He swore that in the twenty years they had been married that she hadn't aged a day. "Come over here darlin'" Sam called to her.

Emma walked over and sat on Sam's lap, placing the plate of cookies she had brought him on his desk. "Are you still happy with me Sam?" She asked after giving him a quick kiss.

"What kinda question is that? You know I am. Never been happier." Sam replied kissing her lips.

"I dunno, I'm just feeling lonely I guess. Ya spend so much time here, it feels like I hardly see ya. And I never was able to give you any youngins." Emma replied softly hanging her head.

"I know I ain't been around much lately. I thought coming back here would give me more time at home with you. And I know ya wanted a lil'one but the good lord decided against it." Sam replied.

"I had a whole bunkhouse full of them at one time. Now all I've got left is Cody and he don't visit no more. I had such hopes when Loulabelle said she was coming, I know something bad had to have happened to her for her not to show and it kills me the never knowing." Emma cried, tears rolling down her soft cheeks.

"I know darlin'. I wish I could have found her for you. I wish that I could make Cody come home. I wish that we'd hear from Buck just to know he was alright." Sam said, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.

It was at that moment that the messenger came in carrying a telegram. "Telegram for ya marshal from Omaha."

"Thought you was through having to deal with Omaha?" Emma asked.

Sam took the telegram from the boy, "Thought I was too." He muttered before opening it. "Well I'll be damn."

"What is it Sam?" Emma asked concerned.

Sam grinned, "Think the good lord been listening to our prayers. It's from Buck. He's found Lou alive. And according to this telegram they are only a few days from here!"

"What?! How did he know we were back in Sweetwater?" Emma asked snatching at the telegram.

"He didn't, it was sent to Omaha. Marshal Tucker passed it on here." Sam replied before picking his wife up and spinning her around in a circle. "I think it's time we go for a little trip."

"Oh Sam can we leave right now?" Emma begged.

"Afraid not, but we can leave first thing in the morning. Go on back to the house and pack us some clothes. I'll make the arrangements for the stage and to get someone to cover my duties while were gone." Sam replied giving her a kiss before shooing her out the door.

He couldn't stop the smile on his face from growing. It had been a long time since he'd seen Emma so happy. Her girl was alive and with Buck. He didn't know how and why but he thank God for it. He left his office to send a telegram to Buck to let him know they were coming to see them and to make arrangements for the trip.

The next morning Lou awoke to find Buck was already up. She quickly got out of bed and changed into her dress before he came back in from the barn. When Buck entered the house about ten minutes later it was to find Lou at the stove making breakfast.

"Smells good." He stated with a grin.

"It won't be long before its ready." Lou offered over her shoulder.

Buck moved to the table and sat down after pouring a cup of coffee. "Lou, I know ya probably wanted to get started on your sewing but I could use your help this morning if ya don't mind."

"Sure Buck, what are ya needing?" Lou asked as she dished up a plate and sat it in front of him at the table before turning back to the stove to fix her plate.

"I've got several mares that need to be brought into the corral. They will be birthing soon and I could use some help getting them all round up." Buck explained after taking a bite of his food. "This is good."

"Thanks...Buck why don't you have any hands to help ya on the ranch?" Lou asked curious how he managed on his own.

"Can't afford em. When I take my selling stock to auction I hire a few guys to help me get em there but I can't afford to pay someone as a steady hand." Buck explained.

"Oh I see. Well ya know I'll be glad to help as much as I can. It's been awhile since I've been in the saddle but I think I can still manage just fine." Lou stated with a grin.

"I'm sure you'll do fine Lou." Buck replied.

After finishing up their breakfast, Buck helped Lou clean up the dishes before going to the barn to saddle up his horse and one for Lou to ride. Lou was waiting on him when he led them from the barn. It didn't take her long to find her rhythm in the saddle again, she had never felt freer than when she was on the back of a horse with the wind blowing in her hair.

"If ya want, we can go for a ride this afternoon." Buck offered.

"I'd like that Buck." Lou replied with a grin.

It didn't take the two of them long to separate the pregnant mares from the rest of the herd and lead them back to the corral. In fact they had just put the last on in just before noontime. "I'll go in and make us a quick lunch." Lou offered.

"Sounds good Lou. I'll take care of the horses." Buck replied as he took her reins and led both horses into the barn.

Buck was in the middle of brushing down his horse when he heard a rider approaching. He stepped out of the barn and spotted Jeb Spencer riding up to his house. "Over here Jeb!" Buck hollered to get the man's attention.

Jeb spotted Buck and walked down to the barn. "Howdy Buck, Pete sent me out with a telegram for ya. It came in late yesterday afternoon."

Buck took the offered telegram from Jeb and looked down at it to see it came from Sweetwater. Now who would be sending him a telegram from Sweetwater he wondered. "Thank ya Jeb. Let me finish with my horse here and then I'll take ya on up to the house to get you some money for your trouble and a bit to eat."

"Thanks...umm Buck I was ah wondering if ya got any work I might do?" Jeb asked, his hat hanging in his hand.

Buck looked to the man standing in front of him. He had hired Jeb on many occasions to help get his stock to the auction and the man had worked hard but he had a drinking problem and would lose his temper quite often. But all Buck saw when he looked at him was a man who looked to have not eaten in days, his clothes were filthy and worn. He looked to be very down on his luck. "Jeb...I wish I could help ya out but you know I can't afford to have a steady hand. Come back in a month and I'll hire ya to help get the stock to auction."

Jeb hung his head in shame, "I know that Buck but well I ain't got no where else to go. Ya ain't gotta pay me just give me a place to sleep and some food in mah belly."

"Well ...I guess you can sleep in the hayloft. I could use a hand to help out." Buck relented, a little uneasy about the whole thing though he was unsure why.

"Thank ya Buck! I won't let ya down, I swear." Jeb said shaking Buck's hand before his stomached gave a very loud growl.

"Come on up to the house and get some lunch." Buck said leading the man up to the house just as Lou poked her head out to call him in to eat.

"Oh Buck, I didn't realize ya had company." Lou said when she spotted the man behind Buck.

"Lou this is Jeb Spencer. He brought a telegram out to me. Also he's gonna be staying in the barn for a while to help out on the ranch. Jeb, this is Lou McCloud an old friend of mine." Buck introduced the two.

Lou held out her hand to the dirty man who took it eyeing her up and down. He had seen her somewhere before but couldn't place where. "Ma'am", he said shaking her hand.

After she dropped his hand, she discreetly wiped it on the dish towel she was holding as she followed the men into the small house. Lou served the men at the table and fixed a small plate for herself to eat afterwards. Buck gave her a small smile in apology. After Jeb had finished eating Buck gave him instructions to check the fences to see if there was any places that needed to be repaired. Once he left he sat Lou down in his own chair and served her her meal. "Sorry bout that Lou."

"I thought you said you couldn't afford a steady hand?" Lou asked.

"I can't. Told Jeb that but he apparently is desperate. He's working just for a place to sleep and food. I think from now on we can eat outside on the porch. I'll fix up a bench or something out there." Buck said sitting down across from Lou.

"What did the telegram say?" She asked after a few minutes.

"Oh I didn't even read it." Buck exclaimed having forgotten about it for a moment. He pulled it from his pocket and opened it up. His breath caught in his throat. "Sam and Emma will be here in three days."

Lou looked up in surprise, "It takes longer than three days to get from Omaha to here don't it?"

"They ain't in Omaha no more, this was sent from Sweetwater." Buck replied, "I guess the Marshall's office in Omaha must have forward it to Sweetwater."

"I can't believe it...Emma will be here in three days...Buck what is she gonna think about me?" Lou asked her face paling at the thought of seeing the woman who had been a mother to her. Yes she was happy that Emma was coming cause she had missed her terribly but she was scared that Emma would be disappointed in her once she found out everything.

"Lou, Emma ain't gonna care bout all that. She's just gonna be happy you're alive and safe. But ya don't have to tell her everything iffn you don't want." Buck offered.

"No...I can't lie to Emma. Never could." Lou replied with a small laugh.

Buck just smiled at her. He was panicking inside. He hadn't spoken to or contacted Emma or anybody really since he left Rock Creek. He was terrified that she would be furious and disappointed in him, that she would take Lou away from him after he had just found her. He was terrified that Lou would want to leave him. She had no reason to want to stay with him after all. Buck didn't know if his heart would be able to take it, if Lou did decide to leave with Emma. But there was nothing he could do about it but wait and see.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The next morning after breakfast, Lou got to work on throughly cleaning and scrubbing the small house. She put up the new curtains she had been able to make the previous afternoon and changed the linens on the bed. She wished that she could change out the tick but she didn't have anything to stuff the mattress with. Buck had hay in the loft she could have used but with that Jeb Spencer sleeping up there she didn't want go up there. There was something really familiar about the man and she couldn't figure out what but he gave her the creeps. It had taken her a better part of the morning to fix up the cabin, she wanted it to be perfect for when Emma and Sam arrived. They would have to put them up for the night at least since the place was so far from town but she had no idea where they would sleep. She figured that her and Buck would just give up the bed to them. It wasn't like she wasn't used to sleeping on the ground anyway and she was sure Buck would be fine on the ground too.

Around noon, Buck and Jeb came up to the house for lunch. True to his word Buck had rigged up a plank on the porch for a table and some barrels for seats. So after laying out the food and dishes, the men chowed down while she just picked at her meal.

"You alright Lou?" Buck asked her quietly.

"Yeah I'm fine Buck, just thinking about Emma. I want everything to be perfect when they get here. I haven't even had a chance to start on my new dresses." Lou said quietly.

"Don't worry so much Lou. The place looks great, you've worked hard this morning. Why don't you take a break this afternoon and start on one of your dresses or better yet why don't you take a swim in the creek while me and Jeb are down in the lower pasture repairing the fences." Buck suggested.

"I just might do that." Lou replied with a smile, unaware that Jeb was listening to their conversation.

After the men ate and went back to work, Lou cleaned up the dishes and then decided to take Buck up on his suggestion and take a swim. Lou walked quickly to the creek behind the cabin, she looked around to make sure the men were long gone before she sat on the bank to remove her moccasins. Then standing she undid the ties of her buckskin dress and let it drop to the ground before stepping into the cool waters of the creek. Lou waded out to her waist, the cool temperature of the water feeling wonderful in the hot afternoon sun. She splashed water up over her chest and face before sinking down to her shoulders before laying back on her back to float on top of the water with her eyes closed, never seeing the shadow move in the tree line.

He knew he had seen her somewhere before and that scar that ran down her side from her shoulder to her waist confirmed it to him. That was the whore that had refused to service him, like she got to pick who she serviced. He knew that scar because he was the one that gave it to her when she had fought against him. He thought she had died, but apparently she had just run off. Well he'd make sure she either provided him the services he wanted or he would finish the job. He was sure the breed wouldn't mind sharing, he had after all bought her to warm his bed. He bet he could buy an hour or two with her from him. And if not well he could deal with Cross if he had too. It wasn't like anybody ever came way out this way, it would be weeks, months, maybe even years before anybody realized something had happened to him. And the woman, nobody knew about her did they. Yes that was it, why pay for an afternoon when he could just get rid of the man and have her all to himself, hell he could even stay out here for awhile, there was food and nobody would bother him. Yes, that sounded like a good plan, he just had to wait for the right moment. He had to wait for the breed to let his guard down. Cross was to suspicious right now, he would just have to wait. Maybe until after the auction, men would be expecting Cross to go into town to hire some hands to help get the stock to the auction, if he didn't show they would come out to look in on him. Yes, after the auction was the best time, he would just wait and watch and when the time was right he would strike.

That evening after supper, Jeb went to the barn leaving Buck and Lou alone for the rest of the night. Buck sat at the table inside sipping on a cup of coffee reading a book while Lou sat quietly working on a new dress using the pink fabric she had bought.

"You have a good afternoon Lou?" Buck asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah I did...I took a swim in the creek for awhile. The water was nice and cool." Lou replied looking up at Buck.

"That's good ...Lou, I want ya to be careful around Jeb. He wondered off for a little while this afternoon and when he came back there was something off about him. Just be weary." Buck told her quietly.

"Oh? Well I've been avoiding him anyway. He gives me the creeps, not sure why." Lou stated.

"Just to be safe, I want you to carry a gun or knife at least at all times alright." Buck stated.

"I ain't got either Buck." Lou told him, "I lost the one ya gave me when the Lakota took me. They took my gun too."

"I've got an extra knife in my trunk. Next time we go to town I'll see about getting ya a new gun. In the mean time, the rifle under the bed is loaded if you need it." Buck told her before returning to his book.

A couple hours later, Lou decided she was ready for bed. She stood up and put her sewing away before grabbing her nightdress from the hook over the bed. Buck was still reading at the table so she turned her back to him as she untied her dress and let it drop to her feet.

"My God Lou! What happened?" Buck gasped taking in the sight of the scar for the first time. He had gotten to his feet and moved closer to her to run his fingers over it without even realizing what he was doing.

Lou shivered at his delicate touch on the puckered flesh. "It happened just before I left the whore house."

"Who did this to you?" Buck asked his eyes not leaving the harsh scar, he didn't know how she could have survived such a wound.

"One of the men at the brothel...He wasn't one of my clients but he wanted to be. When I refused to service him cause of the things he would make the other girls do he attacked me." Lou supplied not giving much detail.

"You could refuse service?" Buck asked confused, he didn't think working women had a choice in their clients.

"Yeah that was my stipulation to taking the job. I had complete control over which men I took into my room and to what I allowed them to do. There were many men I refused because of how they treated the girls. I would take the ones the others didn't want cause they were either too shy, or had the wrong skin color or heritage." Lou explained looking down, her arms crossed over her naked chest.

Buck took a step back so she could slip her nightdress over her head, "This man attacked you because you wouldn't take him as a client?"

"Yes. Most of the other men had quit asking for my services once they found out that I would entertain negros and half breeds just the same as white men." Lou replied turning to look at Buck's face now that she was dressed.

"Would ya recognize this man if ya saw him again?" Buck asked.

"I dunno, I only saw him the once really. He wasn't a real regular in the brothel but I knew the name. I had heard the other girls talking bout him. He went by the name Jethro Mills." Lou stated as a face flashed in her mind twisted in anger beneath a bushy beard, hard grey eyes flashing as the steel blade slashed her skin causing her to shiver at the memory.

Buck put his hands on her shoulders in a comforting gesture, "If you ever see him again, though it would be unlikely way out here, but if you do tell me and I will deal with him."

Lou smiled up at Buck before pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Thanks Buck."

Buck stood stock still in shock at the gesture while Lou turned and climbed into bed. He quietly went back to the table and turned out the lamp before returning to the bed and stripping down to his long john bottoms. He lay there beside Lou in silence for a few minutes before his curiosity got the better of him.

"Lou." He said quietly.

"Yeah Buck?" She asked, her voice sounding sleepy.

"I know it's none of my business but I'm just curious ...why did you pick the men you did?" Buck asked, he could feel his face heating with a blush.

"Well I guess if I'm being honest, it's because they reminded me of you, Ike, and Noah. Ya know the shy ones who had trouble talking to women like Ike. Or the negros with big hearts that just wanted someone to treat them the same as other men like Noah. And the half breeds well because they reminded me of you. And you know most of them only ever wanted to talk to a women who didn't treat them no different." Lou answered.

Buck couldn't help the smile that found his lips at her explanation. He turned on his side to face her, his hand brushed her cheek, "You always did treat me the same as everybody else."

Lou leaned into his hand cherishing the soft touch. "I never saw you as any different than the other guys. You were just Buck to me, my brother and my friend."

"If we're being honest with each other I gotta tell ya I never really thought of you as my sister." Buck stated with a small laugh.

"I would hope not if what you said about being in love with me was true ...that would be a little weird." Lou laughed.

"It is true Lou. I never stopped loving you." Buck whispered.

Lou smiled to herself before she snuggled closer to Buck, "Ya wanna know something Buck ... I always thought you were real handsome, pretty sure I looked at ya a few times in not such a sisterly fashion."

Buck laughed as he pulled her closer into his embrace, "I guess that's a start then because I'm gonna do everything in my power to win your heart Lou."

Lou just knew that Buck would do just that because that little piece of her heart that had come back to life spread just a little bit. It was just a matter of time before Buck would have her whole heart alive and beating again, and she was sure it would be beating for him. She knew he wouldn't give up on her, he hadn't in all these years. Buck would wait until she was completely ready for him. Buck wanted her love and Lou wanted to be able to love him. She wanted to be able to love again period. Her heart had stopped working a long time ago, she hadn't loved nothing or no one in a very long time. But Buck was already changing that, he was waking her heart back up.

 **A/N: So who do you think is the creepy stalker? Is it Jeb? And if it isn't just what was he up to when he slipped away from Buck? And why does he look familiar to Lou? Looks like we will have to wait and see.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Late the next afternoon the stagecoach rolled into town, a dusty and tired couple got off and looked around. The town was small, had only been established about twelve years back, it was just beginning to grow. It sported a general store, telegram office, blacksmith and livery, and a saloon. There was no church or school building that they could see. The name of the town was no where to be seen so if they hadn't of known that this was Sweet Gum, they wouldn't have gotten off the stage because there was no hotel and nothing to draw in visitors but they were there for one reason only, they were there to see their youngins.

"Best we see if we can find someone to point us in the right direction." Sam stated after taking thier bags from the stage coach driver.

"Maybe the telegram officer would know where to find Buck." Emma offered pointing to the small building.

Sam led the way over to the office and opened the door for Emma to enter first. They spotted the tiny man behind the counter. "Howdy, can I help y'all?" Pete asked.

"We's was wondering if you could tell us where we might find Buck Cross." Sam asked the little man.

"Buck? Whatcha y'all be wanting with him?" Pete asked.

"To visit. We're old friends, family even." Emma said with a soft smile.

"Well now, didn't reckon Buck had no friends nor family. Weren't till bout three days ago or so that anyone had seen him with another living soul twerent working for him. Pretty lil thing too. Reckon he'd done bought her off Indians what with the way she was dressed and all." Pete rambled on.

"Can ya just point us in the right direction, we've been traveling for three days now and would like to rest." Sam asked slightly annoyed.

"Just head east out of town, you'll run right into his place but it's a good half day ride out of town. Ya ain't gonna get there before dark." Pete said.

"Damn...I don't reckon there's a hotel in town we missed?" Sam asked exasperated.

"Fraid not, ya can get a room over at the saloon." Pete stated pointing across the way towards the large building.

"Thank you." Sam said before exiting the little office with Emma.

"I guess the saloon will be alright for one night Sam...hopefully Buck can put us up at his place tomorrow." Emma said looking at the saloon with disdain.

"Sorry darlin', best we go on in and get a room before the night crowd gets here." Sam apologized placing his hand on the small of her back to lead her into the building.

The inside of the building was smoky and poorly lit, there were a few men sitting around playing cards and drinking at the bar already but for the most part it was empty. The barkeep looked up and spotted the new arrivals. "Can I get you folks anything?"

"The fella over at the telegram office said we could mayhap get a room for the night seeing as there's no hotel." Sam said to the man behind the bar.

"You're in luck I got a room available. Last door on the end upstairs. I'd keep the missus inside the room once the place starts getting crowded, some of the fellas might get a little handsy." The barkeep stated after he handed over the key.

"Will do...would it be possible to have a bath? or food?" Sam asked after taking the key.

"I'll see if one of the girls will let the lady use her bath, and I'll send up a small meal." the barkeep offered.

"Thank you sir, that's very thoughtful." Emma said with a soft smile before Sam escorted her up the stairs to the room that they would be staying in.

An hour later one of the working women brought in a metal tub for Emma to use and filled it with semi warm water and brought up a tray with a small meal for them both to eat. Once the woman left Emma quickly stripped and sunk gratefully into the water to wash away the days of dust that coated her skin and hair.

"Ya want me to wash your back?" Sam asked with a smirk.

Emma grinned up at him and offered him the soap. "Just think, this time tomorrow you'll be with your girl again and Buck." Sam stated as we rubbed the soap over his wife's smooth back.

"I want to know everything that happened to poor Lou, why she disappeared, how she came to be with Buck, why she just didn't come home to us after Kid was killed, what she did to live. And I want to know why Buck never tried to contact us, what has he done all this time." Emma said to her husband, tears filling her eyes.

"I'm sure we will find out everything, just don't try to rush them into explaining. It maybe painful to Lou especially if what that man at the telegram office said was true about her must have been living with the Indians." Sam stated as he helped his wife out of the tub.

After they ate their small meal, Sam left Emma alone in the room to rest as he went down to the bar to get a drink and maybe a game of cards in. He promised he'd be back in no more than an hour. And he was true to his word, an hour later he was back in their room holding his wife while she slept. He however could not, not with the sounds coming from downstairs, the lawman in him couldn't help but be on alert. When the sounds from the bar finally began to subside in the early morning hours, Sam was finally able to fall into a deep sleep.

They awoke that morning with the sun shinning in the one window. Dressing quickly, they gathered their bags and walked down the stairs. There was no one in the saloon now except a young girl washing the tables. "Ya can just leave the key on the counter." She called when she saw them.

Sam placed the key on the counter and together with his wife walked out into the bright morning. He led Emma over to the livery to see about hiring a couple of horses to take them out to Buck's place. The livery owner only had one horse available but it would have to do. After securing their bags to the saddle and helping Emma up on the horse, Sam mounted up and together they rode out of town heading east. They would be with their youngins by lunch time.

Lou was on the porch setting the plank table with plates and food for lunch when she spotted the rider slowly approaching the house. The rider was to far away for Lou to be able to see who it was, but she probably wouldn't know them anyway as she didn't know anybody in the area save the Lakota tribe. Buck and Jeb were still no where to be seen, so she slipped into the house and retrieved Buck's rifle from under the bed. She stood just inside the door and waited for the rider to get closer.

"Anybody home?" A strong and familiar male voice called out.

"Lou? Buck? Ya here?" a very familiar and welcomed female voice called out.

Lou poked her head out the door, "Emma? Sam?" she cried when she knew it was them.

Emma quickly dismounted from the horse and ran to Lou as she ran from the house and into her open arms. The two women clung to each other crying. Sam dismounted and tied the horse to the corral railing before walking over to the women who still had not let go of each other. "Ya reckon I can get in on that hug?"

Lou let go enough to pull Sam into their embrace. "Oh Loulabelle, you've gotten to be so pretty course ya always were." Emma stated when she pulled back and could really look at Lou.

She blushed and lowered her eyes. "Y'all come on up to the house, I was just fixing to ring the bell to let Buck and his hand know lunch is ready. Let me get a couple of plates from inside." Lou said stepping back from them.

Lou turned and fled into the house leaving Sam and Emma standing there slightly confused by her sudden departure. She returned a few minutes later with two more plates and then rang the triangle lunch bell to call the men in. A few minutes later Buck and Jeb appeared. Emma of course drew Buck into a hug when she saw him and commented on how handsome he had become. Lunch was a quiet affair, despite Emma's attempts to draw Buck and Lou into conversation. Neither of them wanted to talk to much about the past in front of Jeb. After they finished eating Buck sent Jeb away to work while he stayed to visit with Sam and Emma.

"Now you two want to tell me everything?" Emma asked.

"Where do ya want us to start?" Lou asked uncomfortable.

"How bout Buck you telling me why ya never tried to contact us, why ya just left Rock Creek without a goodbye to Teaspoon and Rachel?" Sam asked seeing how uncomfortable Lou looked and wanting to give her a few minutes to gather her wits.

"I'm sorry...I just couldn't stay there with everybody gone. I didn't belong there. And Emma you know I thought of you like a mother but without the others it hurt too much to even think about going to you." Buck stated not able to meet Emma's eyes.

"You mean it was too painful because Ike was gone and Lou had married the Kid." Emma stated.

Buck just looked up at Emma not surprised that she knew his exact reasons. "Yeah."

Emma looked over at Lou waiting for her to start talking. "After Kid died, I had to do some things I ain't proud of to survive. I know I could have just asked and you would have sent Sam to get me but I felt like it was something I had to do on my own...I worked in...I was a whore."

"Oh Loulabelle...my dear girl." Emma cried putting her hand over Lou's on the table.

"Ya ain't disgusted by me?" Lou asked surprised at the gentle touch.

"Louise, you are my girl, ain't nothing you can do or have done that will change how I feel about you. I just wished you would have let us know how bad things were for you. That you would have let us help you." Emma stated squeezing her hand.

"When I left Virginia to come to you it was only after I had been attacked and almost killed by a man in the brothel. He wasn't one of my clients but he didn't take it well when I refused to take him as one. When I had healed enough I left and was headed to St. Lois, where I bought a horse and headed out to Omaha. I had been on the trail for a week when I had a miscarriage, I didn't even know I had been carrying a baby. I fell from my horse and passed out from the pain and blood loss. When I came too, it was to find I had been taken in by Lakota Indians. I spent the next two years in thier village." Lou explained.

"And that's where I found her, just five days ago. I went to the village to trade some of my older mares for new breeding stock but then I saw her there. The chief was trying to trade her to another settler but I couldn't let that happen, so I offered my horses for her. Just so you know I don't pretend that I own Lou, she's free to come and go as she pleases. If she wants to return to Sweetwater with you that is her choice." Buck explained to Emma's gasp when he said he had bought Lou.

"I told Buck I wanted to stay here." Lou said quietly.

"Lou you know you are always welcome with us if you change your mind, but whatever your decision just know that we love you and want you to be happy. And Buck we love you too and want to be part of your life again. Don't shut us out again." Emma told them both.

Buck just hung his head in shame, "I'll try not to Emma, no matter what Lou decides to do. If you'll excuse me I've got some things I need to take care of."

The three of them watched Buck walk away. "He loves me...I think it scares him to think I'll leave and he'll be left alone again...Emma I don't think he'd survive being all alone again."

"I know he does Loulabelle...he always has. But Lou, you need to figure out what it is you want. It wouldn't be fair to either of you for you to stay just so he won't be alone if that's not what you really want to do...if he ain't the one ya want to be with." Emma said quietly.

"Emma," Sam said quietly.

"What is it Sam?" Emma asked.

"Maybe it would be better if Lou stayed with Buck...not that I don't want her to come with us." He explained real quick at the look on Emma's face. "It's just that well ..."

"No other man would want me once they found out what I was." Lou supplied for him and Sam nodded his head in uncomfortable agreement.

"That's horse pucky..." Emma started but then stop knowing that they were both right, it would take a special kinda man to look past Lou's past and see the real her, a man like Buck. "Loulabelle...how do you feel about Buck?"

"I dunno...Emma for the longest time I've felt unworthy of being loved. I haven't been able to love anyone or anything in a long time, I feel like my heart has been dead, that it died when I saw Kid's name in the list of killed in battle. But in the past few days, it feels like my heart is starting to beat again for the first time since Kid died." Lou explained.

Emma and Sam shared a small smile, "I think maybe if ya gave it some time you'll find Buck will wake up all of your heart." Emma said slyly causing Lou to blush.

"Well I best get these dishes cleaned up. There's a creek behind the house if y'all want to go for a swim." Lou said getting up from the table.

Emma stood and helped Lou cleaned the table off carrying the dishes into the one room cabin. She quickly took note of the small room and the one bed, her eyebrow raising when she realized that Buck and Lou were sharing it. Lou didn't miss the look, "We ain't intimate if that's what you're thinking. Buck said he wouldn't touch me till I feel the same for him."

Emma smiled at those words, "Buck always was a gentleman. I guess we should've wrote first, maybe y'all could have come to us."

"You and Sam are taking the bed. I'm used to sleeping on the ground and Buck is too... well not as much as he used to be but, no arguing." Lou stated when she saw Emma open her mouth.

"Do ya need any help?" Emma asked.

"Not with the cleaning I got that but this dress is all I got. I started on a new one with some fabric Buck bought me but honestly I never was much good with a needle, I could do simple things like the curtains but a dress." Lou said with a little shrug.

"Just leave it to me Loulabelle, I'll have you dolled up in no time." Emma stated as she grabbed up the dress Lou had started.

That afternoon was spent catching up while Emma sewed and Lou peeled potatoes for dinner. Sam had wandered off to the creek and then to the barn. Emma only had to pull out all of Lou's stitches and start over completely but she had already gotten the skirt sewed together and was working on the bodice. All in all it was turning out to be a very pleasant afternoon. It reminded Lou of home, her heart came even more alive with the feelings of love she was being showered with. Maybe just maybe she could put her past behind her and go forward with a future... but did that future include staying with Buck or did it mean going home with Sam and Emma. She wasn't sure what it was she really wanted to do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning: This Chapter contains distrubing scene and foul language.**

 **Chapter 8**

 _The room stank of alcohol, smoke, and men, scantily clad women draped themselves over the men about the room, laughing and making obscene comments, jokes, and suggestions. It was disgusting to watch. Lou hated it, she felt dirty and disgusting for being one of those scantily clad women, but she almost had enough money to start over back west somewhere, she almost had the money to go to Emma until she could find her own spread. She just had to last a little bit longer. She longed for the open plains of the prairie, for the clean fresh air, for a warm bed that didn't smell like sex and cheap perfume, she longed to feel clean again, to be free. She longed to be loved, to be worthy of being loved. She longed for her family, all of them, even the ones she knew she would never see again because they were dead and gone. She longed for her kid siblings who she had failed, who she never got out of the orphanage, who she had no clue whether they were even still alive. She longed for a life she could never have again. She longed to be innocent._

 _Lou stood up and made her way across the room, drifting between the different men, looking for a customer, there was no use in dwelling on her thoughts, there was no changing her lot in life, there was no going back, just going forward. And if she was to move on, she needed to work, she needed a paying customer. Lou looked at the men in the brothel, most were regulars. None of her regular clients were there tonight, but that didn't mean she couldn't find a client. She scanned the faces, Jerry he's not so bad, never gets rough bit of a pansy though, Hank no he likes to tie the girls up and hump their breast usually always cuming on their faces, Jason depends on how much he's been drinking, he gets mean when he's had too much. She continued searching the faces finding possible clients and ones she outright would not take, all the while she felt eyes on her. She turned and found the owner of the eyes, a big burly man, his beard full and bushy, his eyes a hard steel grey. He looked meaner than a grizzly bear, but looks could be deceiving. She didn't recognize him._

 _"Hey Dolly, who's that." Lou asked the woman who had walked up next to her._

 _Dolly looked over to where Lou was looking, "Oh that be, Jethro Mills, you ain't gonna want him Louise. He's a mean one, he likes it rough, he will manhandle ya and knock ya around. Trust me, he's one of the worse ones."_

 _"Good to know." Lou replied before she continued her search._

 _She had just about decided on a guy when Jethro approached her, "Take me to ya room whore."_

 _"Not happening. I decide who I take to my room and you ain't going be the one I take." Lou said turning her back on him and walking away leaving a very angry man with murder in his eyes behind her._

 _Lou was on her way upstairs with Jerry when she felt someone grab her arm, "No whore is going tell me no, bitch."_

 _"Mister you best let go of her, she's already got a client as you can see." Jerry said grabbing hold of Jethro's arm._

 _Jethro pulled a large knife out from behind his back and held it against Jerry's neck, "Iffn you want to live, I'd suggest you hightail it out of here. The whore is mine for tonight."_

 _Jerry let go and ran back down the stairs, leaving Lou at the mercy of the mad man. Jethro forced Lou into her room. "Yer gonna pay for refusing me bitch."_

 _"You don't scare me, ya bastard. I gotta a right who I take to me room. Now get the fuck out." Lou stated drawing her gun from her bedside table and aiming it at him._

 _But Jethro was too quick for Lou, before she could blink he was on her, knocking the gun from her hand. His large hands wrapped around her neck, squeezing the life out of her. Lou's vision was going black when he let go, only to backhand her across the face knocking her across her bed. Lou screamed as he dove on top of her, tearing and ripping her dress away._

 _"No! Get off of me! Let me go!" Lou screamed at the top of her lungs but she knew help wasn't coming._

 _"Shut yer trap ya dirty whore." Jethro seethed as he hit her across the face again._

 _Lou fought and kicked at him, biting his hand when he put it over her mouth, only to earn another hit from him. But the more she struggled the more he seemed to enjoy it. It was hopeless, he was just too big and strong. No matter what she did, she could not stop him from forcing himself into her. Lou cried and screamed but gave up fighting, it was no use. She laid there like a log, forcing her mind elsewhere, her body might have been in that bed being used against her will, but her mind was riding across the open plains with the boys again. When he was done with her, he let her get up and dress._

 _With her back to him Lou stated with a quiet deadliness to her voice, "I swear that I will kill you for what you did."_

 _But before Lou could turn around and fire the gun she had picked up, a blade pierced her shoulder and tore down her side. Causing a blood curdling scream to erupt from her mouth. "Not if I kill ya first." He whispered in her ear, his eyes flashing in steely anger and the world went black._

"Lou wake up! Lou you're having a nightmare." Buck pleaded, shaking the her thin shoulder as she thrashed about in her sleep and mumbled.

"Noo...off me...let go." Lou mumbled, kicking and fighting Buck.

The color drained from Buck's face. "Lou please wake up, it's just a dream."

"Buck what's going on?" Emma's concerned voice called out in the dark.

"Lou's having a nightmare, I can't wake her up." Buck said.

She thrashed and fought some more, "bastard...I'll kill ya...done to me".

"Wake up darlin' please." Buck pleaded, it was killing him to listen to what was obvious memories of being raped.

A blood curdling scream ripped the air as Lou shot up, breathing hard, her eyes flashing in fear, a cold sweat on her forehead. She found Buck's concerned face next to her, Emma and Sam's worried ones looking over from the bed. "Sorry." She muttered.

"Ain't nuttin' to be sorry bout girl. Are you alright?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, it was just a nightmare...about the attack, I guess talking about it earlier triggered the memories." Lou stated, her eyes dropping to the floor.

"Lou...why didn't you tell me?" Buck whispered so only she could hear him.

"Tell ya what Buck, I told ya about the attack." Lou said.

"You didn't mention the part where he raped you first." Buck said softly, tears filling his eyes.

Lou's chin started quivering, "I ... how... it was bad enough I was raped once but to go through it again... I couldn't tell you."

Buck drew Lou into his arms, "I'm sorry, so so sorry. If I could have protected you either time, I would have. I would have gladly died to protect you love."

Lou cried into Buck's chest as he laid back down, pulling her with him, completely forgetting Sam and Emma watching them. Emma cried for her Loulabelle, for the pain she had gone through. She cried for Buck, for the fact that the Lou he got back, was just a shell of the Lou she once was. She hoped that somehow Lou would find her way back to them all. Sam didn't cry, he vowed to find the rat bastard who had hurt the girl. As soon as he got home to Sweetwater he was going to start looking to find out where this Jethro Mills was now and when he found him, he was gonna tie him up, throw him over the back of a horse, and bring him to Buck, where the two of them would take out of his hide all the pain they could before they killed him...true this wasn't very Christian of Sam, nor was it in any way legal but he thought God would forgive him...at least he hoped he would at least understand.

 **A/N: Ok I hope that turned out well. I didn't want to get too graphic with the rape scene as that could be very uncomfortable for a lot of people but I hope it didn't seem too sedate. Anyway, I meant to get this chapter out last week but alas I had a house full of sick kiddos ... all four of them plus myself... and just did not feel like writing anything, nor had the time. Rest assure I will update again soon. Seems like my muse is back in full force, best take advantage of it while I can. I will be going back to school in August, so once that happens I won't have much time to write if any. But hey its something I've been wanting to do since I had my oldest. Anyway let me know what y'all think about this chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Sam shifted in the saddle, Emma's grip on his waist tightening. He didn't know why but after spending a week with Buck and Lou he was loath to leave but he had to get back to his duties. But there was something nagging at the back of his head, something uneasy.

"What's the matter Sam, you've been acting like someone put ants on the saddle since we left?" Emma asked after Sam shifted yet again.

"I don't rightly know Emma...I know we gotta get back but something don't feel right about leaving." Sam stated.

"I know, I wish I could have talked Lou into coming back with us. But I know Buck will take care of her. She'll be fine. They promised to come visit once Buck gets back from selling his stock next month." Emma said her face pressed against Sam's back.

They rode on in silence for a while, they were about half way to town when Emma spoke again. "Sam...that fella working for Buck. Did he seem I dunno off somehow to you?"

"He's a drunk. I did some snooping in the barn one day while he was out working with Buck, the loft was full of empty whiskey bottles."

"I mean other than that... I just got this feeling whenever he was around, he made my skin crawl." Emma stated with a shudder.

"Yeah I know what ya mean. Buck's smart though I'm sure he's keeping a sharp eye on that fella." Sam said giving Emma's hand a squeeze from where it rested on his stomach.

They were quiet the rest of the way into town, both lost in their thoughts. Sam didn't want to worry Emma anymore than she already was but that Jeb fella working for Buck didn't sit right with him one iota. Sure he was a drunk but there was more to it. He had shifty eyes, like he was always looking over his shoulder for someone, and the way Sam had seen him looking at Lou worried him. He had told Buck as much. Sam couldn't get back to his office fast enough, that Jeb fella was just one more man he'd be looking into once he returned. Finding the man that hurt Lou was top priority though.

The journey home was long and quiet. Neither Sam nor Emma seemed able to shake the black clouds of worry from over their heads. So as soon as the stagecoach rolled into Sweetwater, Sam was off to his office after making a short stop at the telegram office to wire back to Virginia to get the details of the attack on Lou, he needed to know who the man was and what he looked like and his last known location. He also sent a wire to Omaha to see if there were any warrants out for Jeb Spencer. After he walked into his office he sat at his desk and placed his head in his hands. He prayed he was wrong in feeling like he shouldn't have left Buck's, he prayed that the nagging feeling, nagging suspicion he had was wrong because if it was right Lou and Buck were in very real danger.

* * *

Buck had watched Sam and Emma leaving with a heavy heart. Sam had warned Buck about the way Jeb looked at Lou, and Buck had seen the look of hate for himself in Jeb's eyes on a few occasions. He was glad that the livestock sale was just a couple of weeks away, he had made the decision that Jeb could stay until they took the horses to the auction and then he would be gone. Buck wouldn't hire him again after this trip. Two days after Sam and Emma had left, Buck and Jeb rode into town for supplies and to post the ad for men that Buck would be needing. Buck could have gone by himself but he didn't feel comfortable leaving Lou alone with the man.

After the men had left Lou went into the barn, she couldn't't shake the feeling that she knew Jeb but a search through the man's few possessions revealed nothing. Absolutely nothing, no letters, no tintypes, nothing of any kinda sentimental value or value of any kind. This struck Lou as odd, even when she had been at her poorest and lowest she had something that connected her to those she loved, be it a old hair ribbon of her mothers, or an old red bandana, an eagle feather, a piece of fringe off a pair of old buckskins...there was nothing in this man's possessions that pointed to anything, any people he loved, any where he might have called home, it was almost as if Jeb Spencer didn't really exist.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Two weeks after Sam and Emma left to return to Sweetwater, Buck and five men from town drove his horses to the auction. The trip would take at least a month there and back. Buck hated leaving Lou behind by herself but he needed someone to take care of the animals on his ranch and with her there it would mean one less man he would have to hire and that would mean more money in his pocket after the sale. And more money would mean he could provide Lou with more of the things she needed, despite the fact she swore she had what she needed, Buck wanted to give her everything. He'd give her the world if he could.

Lou stood on the porch of the small cabin she had shared with Buck for almost a month as she watched him ride away with the men and the horses. Over that month they had become close, possibly closer than they had been in the days of the express. Buck had been kind and gentle with her, he took her riding at least three times a week. He talked to her and asked her opinion and advice about everything. He even took her advice, something that Kid had never done. Lou felt a pain seize her heart as Buck disappeared from her sight, somehow during that month Buck had managed to bring her heart back to life and watching him leave her behind took a piece of it with him.

Lou raised a hand to her face and felt something wet on her cheek, she was crying. The realization of what that meant was almost too much for Lou. She was falling in love with Buck...if she was honest, she would admit that she had always cared more for Buck than the others, not as much as she cared for Kid but if Kid hadn't been in the picture ...well things might have turned out so different for them both. Lou decided right then that when Buck returned in a month, she would tell him that she wanted to change their relationship, she wanted a relationship with him.

* * *

Sam had waited for two weeks for word from Virginia and still nothing had come in. Omaha had no information on Jeb Spencer, no record of the man at all. Sam had sent messages to all the towns in the terrority and none of them had heard of the man. It was like he didn't exist. On a hunch Sam decided to draw up a likeness of Jeb and send it to the sheriff in Virginia that had worked Lou's attack. He didn't know if his hunch was correct but something told him that Loulabelle and Buck were in danger with that man around. But he needed some kind of proof, he couldn't just shoot the man on a hunch. Sam prayed that he'd get an answer before it was too late.

* * *

Buck had been on the trail with his horses for almost two weeks. Each day away from Lou felt like it lasted a million years. He had thought all the years he had spent without her had been hard but now that he had her waiting for him back at his home, it was even worse. Knowing she was there, knowing that he still couldn't have her ... it was sooo much worse. He had promised he wouldn't touch her until he loved him back, but Buck was just a man, he didn't want to have to wait but he knew he'd wait a thousand years for Lou. He just hoped he didn't have too.

During the two weeks that they had been on the trail, Buck had kept a sharp eye on Jeb. Each passing day made Buck even more weary of the man. The hatred he felt radiating off of him was so intense. He didn't know what he had done to cause Jeb to hate him so, he had always treated him kindly, he had given him a job even though something told him not to. Buck was sure it boiled down to Lou, but why? What did Jeb have against Buck having Lou? Was it just because he was a half breed and she was a white woman? Buck didn't think so, no, this was something more. Something more sinister. Buck thought that this month couldn't get over with fast enough. He wanted to be back home with Lou and he wanted Jeb out of his life and as far from Lou as he could possible get. He would rest easy until that day. He would stay vigilant. He would protect her, he would not let another bad thing happen to her ever again. Not as long as he was alive.

And Jeb Spencer knew this ...

 **A/N: ok I know that was an extremely short chapter after such a long gap between updates. Things are going to get intense in the next few chapters tho so I figured I'd keep this one short and only slightly worrisome. Hopefully next chapter will be up much quicker.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Warning disturbing content contained in this chapter.**

 **Chapter 11**

Lou felt like Buck had been gone forever, the cabin they shared was just too quiet without anybody else there. Lou had grown accustomed to Buck's presence even if he never spoke much, the fact that he was there meant she wasn't alone. And before that she had lived in a Lakota village, it was never completely quiet with that many people around. So being completely on her own for the past month was about to drive her crazy. She expected Buck back any day now, it couldn't come soon enough for her. She really did miss him.

Around mid-day Lou was at the creek doing the washing. It was a very hot day, so she had stripped down to just her undershift, with the plan of going for a swim while her clothes dried on the bank. She had just finished laying out her last garment to dry and was stepping into the cool water when she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She looked around but could see no one, so she just chalked it up to being on her own for too long that she was getting paranoid. Thinking nothing else of it, even though the feeling of being watched did not go away, Lou continued her swim, splashing around in the water until her shift was completely soaked and completely see through.

When Lou felt she had played long enough, she left the creek and headed to the cabin to get into a dry outfit, but the sight that greeted her as she opened the cabin door stopped her cold. Buck was tied to a chair, his mouth gagged, a large bruise forming on the side of his face. His head lolled to the side, she could see blood running down the side of his temple. "Buck!" She screamed rushing into the room and to his side only to have the door slam shut behind her.

Lou whirled around to face the source, Jeb Spencer. The leer on his face as he looked up and down Lou's body made her feel dirty as she tried to cover herself with her arms. "Now now darlin' don't be shy. We both know what you are whore. I told ya once before that nobody says no to me." He sneered at her.

The blood drained from Lou's face as another face flashed before her mind's eye. She knew now where she knew Jeb from...he wasn't Jeb at all... he was Jethro Mills. Lou swallowed hard around the lump of fear that formed in her throat. She was calculating in her head if she could get to Buck's shotgun under the bed before he was on her. Her eyes went to the bed on their own accord only to snap back to Jeb...Jethro's... face at his cruel laugh. "Looking for this whore?" He asked as he held the shotgun up. "Yer mine now. That injun ain't gonna save ya this time."

"Lo..lou.."Buck mumbled as he slowly came too, his body tensing as he became aware of thier predicament. "You bastard!" Buck shouted as he struggled against the ropes holding him as he looked around frantically for Lou to find her crouching by his side, he could feel her pressing something into his hands behind the back of the chair...was that her knife?

"Please...don't do this." Lou begged as Jethro raised the shotgun up pointing it at Buck. "Please just let Buck go...I'll go with you if you just let him go."

"Ain't nobody gonna miss him for a long while yet...so you tell me why I'd want to go anywhere other than right here...I'm gonna kill this breed and then I'm going teach you to be a proper whore. And when I'm done with you...You can join yer injun." Jethro sneered before aiming at Buck.

But before he could pull the trigger Buck rushed him, having used the knife to free himself. "Lou Run!" He shouted as he launched himself across the gap.

Lou didn't think twice as she bolted out the door and ran as fast as she could towards the lakota camp knowing she'd find help there. A shot rang out behind her and the sounds of a fight rose in the air from the cabin but she didn't stop. She didn't have any doubts of Buck's ability, she knew he would come out on top. He would save her.

She had been running for at least ten minutes when the sound a horse racing up behind her caught her ears. She kept running only to be tackled to the ground. Lou gasped as the wind was knocked out of her, her eyes watering from the pain of being landing on so heavy. She began to struggle against the man. "Thought ya got away did ya bitch." Jethro sneer.

"Buck!" Lou screamed as Jethro backhanded her, leaving blood on her face from his hands.

Lou stared in horror at the amount of blood covering Jethro. "No ...please God no." She cried.

"Yer savage ain't coming to save you girly. Yer all mine now. Ain't nobody coming for ya." Jethro said as he held the screaming and fighting woman down, tearing at her thin shift. "Let's see iffn you remember how this works." He sneered as her pulled himself free and prepared to enter her.

"Buck! Please save me! God no, please not again!" She screamed and cried.

And just before Jethro could force himself inside of her, he collapsed with a grunt to the side, a large buck knife sticking out of his back. Lou looked up at her rescuer, Buck stood there breathing heavy, his hand holding a wadded peace of cloth to his stomach, blood seeping out around the edges. "I'm ...sorry." He whispered before clasping to his knees.

With some difficulty Lou managed to get Buck onto the back of the horse that Jethro had been riding, not caring in the least bit that she was basically naked since her garments were so torn, Lou rode like a mad woman to the Lakota camp, praying that the medicine man could help Buck. She couldn't lose him, not now. "Hang in there Buck, I'm going to save you now. You can't leave me alone Buck, please." Lou begged over and over on her mad ride to the village.

Just as the village came into view Buck's broken voice reached her ears, "I ...love ...you." he breathed out before slumping completely forward, passing out from the blood loss.

"Buck!" Lou screamed when she couldn't feel him breathing.

The medicine man and Silver Fox rushed to Lou's horse and took Buck from her. "Please help him!" she begged.

"We will try Weeping Doe. We will try." the medicine man said as Buck was taken away from her. Some of the women in the village came to Lou and took her away to dress her own wounds and cloth her, but Lou was too concerned about Buck to even pay attention to who was around her. She just wanted Buck. She had to know he was going to live. She had to tell him...he had to know she loved him...because in that moment she realized she absolutely completely did love him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Buck did live, in fact he recovered quicker than anybody would have guessed and before long he along with Lou returned to the little one room cabin. Things had changed between the two, Buck could feel it in the way Lou moved around him, how her gazed lingered on him, how she constantly had to touch him. He knew she had been scared, and she had good reason to be, he had almost died. He still didn't know how he had survived such a grave wound. But he had and he had saved Lou.

The night they had returned to the cabin Lou finally found the courage to talk to Buck. After taking care of the barn animals Lou returned to the cabin to find Buck awake in bed, he had been sleeping a lot lately to regain his strength. "Hey." She whispered when she caught sight of his eyes on her.

"Hey yourself. How are you feeling?" Lou asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm still a little tender in the middle but I'll live." Buck said with a soft smile. "I thought ... I thought I was going to lose you again." He said brushing a lock of hair from her face.

"I'm not the one that got shot in the stomach...you could have ...without knowing..." Lou whispered, her eyes closing as she leaned into Buck's palm.

"Knowing what?" Buck asked.

Lou opened her eyes and focused on the handsome face in front of her and smiled, "I love you Buck. I thought I wouldn't get the chance to tell you."

The smile that took over Buck's face was breathtaking, his hand went behind Lou's head pulling her down so he could kiss her. As their lips touched for the first time, Buck was sure he had died and gone to heaven...well if he believed in heaven he would think that at least. Lou pulled away from Buck only long enough to climb into bed and on top of him, her legs straddling his waist. Lou reached down and pulled the hem of her dress up and over her head leaving herself bare before Buck. Buck tenderly reached out and touched her chest, his thumbs brushing her nipples teasing them into tight peaks. Lou let out a breathy moan at the contact. She reached down untied the laces of Buck's pants.

Buck's hands on hers stopped her causing Lou to look up in confusion, "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Lou whispered as she freed him from the confines of his pants. Her fingers stroking him into life. When she felt he was ready she position herself over him and lowered herself onto his manhood, both moaning at the sensation. Buck's hands on her hips kept her steady as she set a slow teasing pace. It was like nothing Buck had ever experienced in his life and judging by the tears filling Lou's eyes she felt the same...at least he hoped those were good tears.

Buck could feel himself getting close, "Lou ... I'm not going to last." He whispered hoarsely.

"Let go Buck, I'm there with you." Lou replied as she shuddered around him, the tightening of her walls around him bringing him over the edge.

Lou collapsed beside Buck, breathing hard, holding his head against her chest. The tears flowing freely now. "I love you Buck. I love you." She whispered before drifting off in the arms of the man she loved.

 **Epilogue**

Sam rode towards Buck's ranch. The wanted poster for Jeb or Jethro rather, tucked inside his vest pocket. When Sam had first rode into town nobody had seen or heard from Buck in months, but that wasn't uncommon for him, but Sam was worried. It had taken too long to get the information on Jeb rather Jethro, he just hoped that everything was fine back at the ranch.

The closer Sam got to the ranch the more the sick feeling in his stomach grew. And when the cabin finally came into view, the smell hit him. Sam gagged and covered his nose with his kerchief before he dismounted and drew his pistol before walking slowly to the cabin door. The door was cracked open, he pushed it open the rest of the way only to have to back up before he lost his lunch over the side of the porch.

Inside the one room cabin Sam found the decaying bodies of Buck and Lou. Buck laying on the floor, clearly having received a shot gun blast at close range. And sitting with her back to the bed and Buck's head in her lap sat Lou, a knife in her dead hand, her arms slit from wrist to elbow, puddles of old congealed blood under her arms. Lou's body was undressed and even in the decaying state he could tell that the moments leading up to her apparent suicide had not been pleasant. Sam cursed, tears streaming down his face. He had been too late to save them. But as Sam went to the barn to find a shovel so he could bury them, he found one more body, a large knife sticking out of his back, pants down around his ankles. Sam felt the anger bubble up.

He didn't know how it had all gone down. He didn't know what had been going through Lou's head during those final hours. He didn't know what the two of them had suffered. He only knew that the bastard that was responsible was dead. And that Emma was going to be heartbroken as he was. Several hours later, a heartbroken Sam rode away from two freshly dug graves. He just prayed that somehow Buck and Lou were together at last. He would never know that they had found each other in the end, that they were laying in each others arms without a care in the world. That they were happy. They didn't know they were dead of course or maybe they did and just didn't care, they were together.

 **A/N: well that took an unexpected turn ... wtf this was not how I had this story planned out. I mean what the hell Muse! This is not right! I'm crying. I hate my muse right now, I really do. I told her to never ever make me do this Buck ever again after that one time she made me kill him off. The horrid *itch! I need chocolate now.**


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